% 


I 


A  SUEYEY 


First  pnnted  in  mi  by  R.  Clay  <k  Sons,  Ltd.,  Bungay,  Suffolk,  England. 


Somewhere  in  the  Pacific. 

Mr.  Joseph  Conrad  :  "  What  a  delightful  coast !    One  catches  an 
illusion  that  one  might  forever  be  almost  gay  here." 


Digitized  by  the  Internet  Archive 

in  2015 


https  ://arch  i  ve .  org/detai  Is/su  rveyOObeer 


A  SURVEY 


BY 

MAX  BEERBOHM 


DOUBLEDAY,  PAGE  &  COMPANY 

NEW  YORK 
1921 


All  but  four  of  (he  draunngi  in  this  book  have  been  chosen  from 
among  many  that  wtre  shown  this  year  at  the  Leireslcr  Galleries. 
These  four^  which  are  in  a  collection  made  by  Mr.  Philip  Guedalla^ 
are  here    shown"  for  the  first  time. 


EPISTLE  DEDICATORY 


TO 

BRITANNIA 

Madam, 

I  venture  to  dedicate  this  volume  to  you  because  you  have 
always  been  very  kind  to  me,  and  because  I  cannot  think  why  you 
have  always  been  so  kind  to  me. 

You  have  never,  since  you  came  to  woman's  estate,  smiled  much 
on  caricaturists,  or  on  satirists,  in  general.  During  the  eighteenth 
century  you  were  indulgent  enough  to  them ;  but  then  you  were  still 
a  headstrong  girl :  there  was  still  a  strain  of  brutality  in  your  nature, 
to  which  caricature  and  satire  were  agreeable.  That  strain  worked 
itself  out  of  you  long  ago.  You  had  become  mild  and  buxom  long 
before  I  had  the  honour  to  behold  you.  And  the  recent  War  has  left 
you  as  mild  as  ever  ;  though  less  buxom. 

That  is  the  kind  of  remark  which  in  my  childhood  on  your  shores 
I  was  taught,  very  rightly,  not  to  make  about  any  one.  It  is  the  kind 
of  remark  which,  so  soon  as  I  was  grown  up,  I  began  to  make  about 
every  one.  For,  after  all,  what  is  a  caricaturist  but  a  man  who  says, 
"  A,  you're  too  fat ;  B,  you're  too  thin  ;  C,  your  nose  is  too  large  " — 
and  so  on  ?  Such  a  man,  alas,  am  I.  And  what  is  a  satirist  but 
one  who  says,  "  D,  you're  a  fool ;  E,  your  character  and  motives 
won't  bear  looking  into  ;  I  see  through  you,  F  " — and,  very  jarringly, 
so  forth  ?  Such  an  one  am  I.  I  jar  even  on  myself.  I  hold  no 
high  opinion  of  the  satiric  temperament.  I  despise  Thersites  and 
the  whole  lot  of  which  I  happen  to  be  one.  I  have  to  go  on  being  rude, 
because  that  is  {a  part  of)  my  nature.  But  O  Britannia,  whenever 
I  sail  from  my  home  in  Italy,  across  your  neatly-ruled  waves,  and 
step  with  a  new  sheaf  of  drawings  on  to  those  yellow  sands  where 
you  sit  enthroned,  I  do  feel  all  the  tnore  guilty  because  your  eyes 

V 


EPISTLE  DEDICATORY 


are  invariably  so  benign  to  me  from  beneath  the  brim  of  your 
lovely  golden  helmet. 

You  say  that  you  have  always  frowned  on  some  of  my  drawings  ? 
True,  Madam  ;  and  thank  you  for  reminding  me.  Over  some  in 
every  hatch  you  have  frorvned,  murmuring  a  fine  and  a  favourite 
phrase  of  yours  :  "  Not  in  the  very  best  of  taste.'"  And  I  seem  to 
find  in  all  the  drawings  at  which  you  have  gently  drawn  the  line  a 
common  denominator.  In  my  youth,  and  indeed  until  quite  recent 
years,  the  Court  was  a  very  dominant  factor  in  your  life.  A  satirist, 
instinctively,  goes  for  what  is  very  strong:  the  weaker  things  he 
derides  with  less  gusto,  or  not  at  all.  But  you,  Madam,  have  a  great 
respect  for  strength,  and  it  is  the  weaker  things  that  are  aptest  to  tickle 
your  sense  of  humour.  I  myself  have  a  respect  for  strength,  but  also 
I  am  inclined,  in  my  fallen  nature,  to  look  for  the  weak  points  that 
all  strength  has,  and  to  point  them  rudely  out.  I  used  to  laugh  at 
the  Court  and  at  the  persons  around  it ;  and  this  distressed  you 
rather.  I  never  laughed  with  you  at  Labour.  Labour  didn't  seem 
to  me  quite  important  enough  yet.  But  Labour  is  very  important 
now,  very  strong  indeed ;  as  you  have  found.  And  I  gathered,  this 
year,  from  a  certain  mild  downward  curve  of  your  lips  when  I 
laid  out  for  you  on  the  yellow  sands  those  of  my  new  drawings  which 
referred  to  Labour,  that  you  thoxight  me  guilty  of  not  the  very  best 
of  taste  in  failing  to  borv  my  knee  to  your  new  Baal. 

Perhaps  I  ought  to  exclude  these  few  drawings  from  a  book 
dedicated  to  you.  Do  I  compromise  you  by  their  inclusion  ?  I 
hope  not.  I  think  not.  Yon,  have  but  to  say  to  Labour,  "  O  honoured 
and  darling  and  terrifying  Sir,  I  know  you're  j^erfcct.  Don't  blame 
me  for  some  drawings  done  by  an  utterly  absurd  man  who  lives  ever 
so  far  away  in  a  country  shaped  like  a  jack-boot.'"  But  if  such 
words  avail  not,  and  you  deem  it  expedient  to  reject  the  dedication, 
then  reject  it,  dear  Britannia :  I  shall  not  be  thereby  the  less 
ajfectionately  your  old  servant, 

MAX  BEERBOHM. 

Rapallo. 
September,  1921. 


vi 


CONTENTS 


Frontispiece.    Somewhere  in  the  Pacific. 

1.  Mr.  Lloyd  George. 

2.  Mr.  Balfour,  reading. 

J.  The  Future  as  beheld  by  the  Eighteenth  Century. 
4.  The  Future  as  beheld  by  the  Nineteenth  Century. 
J.    The  Future  as  beheld  by  the  Twcnticlli  Century. 

6.  Mr.  Lytton  Sirachcy,  7uriting. 

7.  A  Translethean  Soliloquy. 

8.  A  Study  in  Temptation. 

g.    Woodrow  Wilson'' s  peace  ....  ic)20. 

10.  Mr,  Gordon  Craig,  proselytising. 

11.  Mr.  Philip  Guedalla,  distraught. 

12.  John  Bull  and  Another. 

13.  St.  James's  Street  Yesterday  and  To-Day. 
14..  Doctrinaire  Socialists  in  Conclave. 

13.^  Mr.  Maurice  Hewlett. 

16.  A  Prevision  by  M.  Cambon. 

77.  Mr.  Augustus  John  and  Lord  Leverhulme. 

18.  Blame  the  Cloth. 

ig.  Mr.  Asijuith,  reading. 

20.  Sir  Philip  Sassoon  in  Strange  Company. 

21.  The  Trick  Election  of  igiS. 

22.  An  Enigma  in  ig20. 

2J.  Sir  Claude  Phillips  "going  on." 

24.  Mr.  Pearsall  Smith,  Mr.  Squire,  and  Mr.  Shanks. 

2^.  Judicial  Criticism. 

vii 


CONTENTS— continued. 

26.  Count  Wilhehn  von  Hohenzollern, 

2J.  Politics. 

28.  Mr,  Gosse  reassuring  Mr.  Moore. 
2g.  Chieir 

30.  A  False  Prophecy  {let  us  hope), 

jr.  Paderewski  and  D' Attnunzio. 

j2.  Mr.  Belloc  at  the  Vatican. 

33.  The  Cecils  Cross  Over. 

34..  "Si  Vieillesse  Pouvait!" 

jj".  Independent  Liheralistn  on  the  hand  op  Labour. 

j6.  Lord  Randolph,  and  Mr.  Winston,  Churchill. 

^7.  The  Mercilessness  of  Youth. 

jS.  Mr.  Stephen  Gwynn. 
2g.    The  King  of  Spain. 

40.  Lodge  and  Lankester,  mutually  wondering. 

41.  Lord  Spencer,  still  seeing. 

42.  Mr.  Ralph  Nevill,  lecturing. 

43.  A  Gentleman  Usher. 

44.  Brandes  and  G.  B.  S. 
4J.    Mr.  Filson  Young. 

46.    Mr.  Jacobs  and  Sir  Gilbert  Parker. 
4^.    The  Old  Pilgrim. 

48.    Mr.  Asqtdth,  Mr.  Bonar  Law,  and  Mr.  Robey. 
4g.    Mr.  Sidney  Webb  on  his  Birthday. 
JO.    President  Wilson  addressing  Congress. 
Ji.    Mr.  Conrad  Again. 


viii 


No  LONGER  A  DEMOCRAT  AT  HEART?  ■  .  .  COME 


"Enfin  Seuls!" 

Ill  a  world  comparatively  at  peace  now,  Mr.  Balfour  tackles 
Benedetto  Croce. 


The  Future,  as  beheld  by  the  Eighteenth  Century. 


m 


I 


The  Future,  as  beheld  by  the  Nineteenth  Century. 


V 


The  Future,  as  beheld  by  the  Twentieth  Century. 


Mr.  Lytton  Strachey,  trying  *  to  see  her 
WITH  Lord  Melbourne's  eyes. 

*  and  contriving:  

M.  B.  192 1. 


1 


A  Translethean  Soliloquy. 

Damsel  of  the  "  Keepsake  "  Time  :  "  I  do  wonder  what  the  young 
gentlemen  saw  in  me  ! " 


1 


A  Study  in  Temptation. 

(Labour  Delegates  in  Russia,  1920  ) 


f 

I 


WooDROW  Wilson's  peace  .  .  .  1920. 

Mr  Lloyd  George  (to  M.  Clemenceau)  :  "Thought  he  was  going  to 
get  the  better  of  you  and  I  !  " 


4 


I 


Mr.  Gordon  Craig  asking  of  them  "  a  sacrifice  worthy 

OF  THEIR  CALLING  AND  THEIR  IDEALS."  [See  p.  47  of  Preface 
to  "  The  Theatre  Advaucing.^^'\ 


Literature,  Mr.  Philip  Guedalla  and  the  Law  (and  all 
acknowledgments  to  Sir  Joshua  Reynolds). 


Unison. 

John  Bull  :  "I  wonder  if  j'ou  quite  realise  how  utterly  sick  and  tired 
of  you  I  am." 

Sir  Edward  C.\rson  :  "I  wonder  if  you  quite  realise  how  utterly  sick 
and  tired  I  am  of  meself." 


St.  James's  Street  a  few  years  ago. 

The  Marquess  of  Pantagruel  believing  (quite  rightl)')  that  the  sight 
of  him  cheers  and  pleases  the  populace. 

St.  James's  Street  to-day. 

The  Marquess  of  Pantagruel  believing  (rightly  or  wrongly)  that  the 
sight  of  him  embitters  the  populace. 


"  Tout  peut  se  r£tablir." 

Urgent  Conclave  of  Doctrinaire  Socialists,  to  decide  on  some  means  of 
inducing  the  Lower  Orders  to  regard  them  once  more  as  Visionaries 
nnerelv. 


Mr.  Maurice  Hewlett  being  photographed. 


1 


"  When  Labour  Rules,"  or.  What  M.  Cambon  frightfully 

FORESEES,  AND  WhY  M.  CaMBON  IS  LEAVING  US. 

{December,  igso.) 

Secretary  for  Foreign  Affairs  (holding-  his  first  weekly  reception) : 
"  Glad  to  see  you,  Moossoo  !  You'll  find  I'm  pretty  well  up  in  all 
the  main  points  already.  Capital  o'  France  :  Paris,  pronounced 
Paree.  Republican  form  o'  g-overnment,  founded  1792.  Principal 
exports  :  wines,  silks  and  woollen  goods.  Battle  o'  Waterloo,  1814. 
The  Great  War,  1914  to  1918.    Take  a  chair." 


William,  first   Baron  Leverhulme,  setting  out  on 
A  long,  painful,  and  entirely  unpremeditated 

JOURNEY  ADOWN  THE  AGES. 


Blame  the  Cloth, 


Captain  of  Industr\'  declaring  that  the  desire  of  the  manual  workers 
to  be  paid  exorbitant  wages  for  doing  the  least  possible  amount  of 
work  is  a  sure  sign  that  the}'  have  lost  their  faith  in  a  future  life. 


A  Belated  Reader  of  Mrs.  Asquith's  Memoirs. 

"  H'm  ! — Appears  to  have  a  very  facile  pen  !  " 


i 


Sir  Philip  Sassoon  in  the  House  of  Commons,  iigj?-) 


i 


The  Trick  Election  of  1918. 

Independent  Liberal  :  "  What  shall  it  profit  a  man  if  he  gain  the  whole 
world  and  " 

Coalition  Liberal  :  "  lose  his  own  seat?  " 


1 


An  Enigma  in  1920. 

Clio  :  "But  how  comes  it  that  at  a  time  of  grave  stress  in  the  story  of 
a  great  old  nation  you  are  one  of  the  leading"  men  ?  " 

Mr.  Walter  Long  :  "Well — er — really,  you  know — feller  has  a  sense 
o'  duty  and  all  that — besides,  not  without  plenty  of  official  experience, 
quite  apart  from  Quarter  Sessions — sam.e  time — since  j  ou  put  it  that 
way — come  to  think  of  it — 'pon  my  word,  should  like  notice  of  that 
question  !  " 


Sir  Claude  Phillips  "going  on."  (/p/^.) 


The  author  of  "Trivia"  submitting  his  latest  MS.  to 

THE  conductors  OF  "  ThE  LONDON  IVIeRCURY." 

[Mr.  Logan  Pearsall  Smith,  Mr.  J.  C.  Squire, 
Mr  Edward  Shanks.  1 


The  Reaction  towards  a  more  Judicial  Method 
OF  Criticism. 

Elder  Critic  :  "  And  what  is  that — er — rather  pecuhar  object?  " 
Younger  Critic:  "My  hat,  sir." 


The  Old  Adam, 


ount  Wilhelm  von  HohenzoUern  rehearsing-,  on  the  fond  off-chance 
that  he  might  yet  be  extradited,  his  Demeanour  in  the  Dock. 


Politics. 


M'dyah,  doncher  think  Trotsky  must  be  farther  a  darling?  Doncher 
think  it  would  be  rarther  divine  if  we  had  some  one  rarther  like  him 
here  ?  Isn't  there  something  rarther  touching  about  him  ?  Of 
co'rse  a  Red  Terror  would  be  rarther  awful  while  it  larsted.  But 
orl  the  same,  I  do  think,"  etc. 


A  Lacuna. 


Mr.  Edmund  Gosse  [to  his  interlocutor  in  "Avowals'')  :  "  But,  m}'  deir 
Moore,  of  course  you  will— of  course  they  shall.  Only,  you  don't  tell 
us  when  your  seventieth  birthday  is  !  " 


"A  Chiel."  [1914-1918.) 


Eminent  Lady  :  "  I  wonder  what  dear  sweet  Colonel  Repington  always 
carries  that  funny  little  note-book  about  with  him  for  ! 


\ 


The  Patron. 


— a  drawing  dedicated  {with  all  possible  sympathy  and  good-will,  heaven 
knows  I)  to  those  of  ottr  young  poets  who,  7iot  knowing  very  much — why 
should  they  know  very  much  ? — about  politics  and  the  deplorable  part 
which  human  nature  plays  in  politics,  imagine  that  under  the  domination 
Labour  the  liberal  arts  might  have  quite  a  decent  chance. 

Minister  of  Education:  "Wot!  You'll  dedicate  your  mon-you- 
mental  translation  of  Pett  Rark's  sonnits  to  me  if  I'll  get  3'ou  out- 
door relief  for  six  months  ?  Oh,  really  ?  And  you  saj'  you're  one 
o'  the  Workers  yourself?  Worker?  Blackmailer — that's  what 
you  are  !  .  .  .  Outside  !  " 

[Exit  Poet,  inwardly  composing  (mutatis  mutandis)  some  such  letter  as 
was  written  by  Samuel  Johnson  to  the  fourth  Earl  of  Chesterfield.  ] 


Post  Taedia  Long  a  La  bo  rum. 

M.  Paderewski  :  "Ah,  read  nic  one  of  the  poems  of  your  youth  !  ' 
SiGNOR  D'Annunzio  :  "  Ah,  play  me  one  of  your  adorable  sonatas 


i 


Mr.  Belloc's  Visit  to  the  Vatican. 


The  Pope  :  "  They  tell  me,  my  son,  that  3'ou  are  a  prophet." 

Mk.  Belloc  :  "I  am,  Your  Holiness.  And  also  I  have  a  talent  for 
drawing  ver}"  pretty  diagrams.  Here  is  one  of  them,  shewing  that 
in  England  the  national  conversion  will  take  place  some  time 
between  May  and  July,  1923. 


I 


The  Cecils  Cross  Over. 


Mr.  Lloyd  George  : 

"  Let  nie  have  about  me  men  that  are  fat, 
Sleek-headed  men  and  such  as  sleep  o'  nights 


"  S/    ViElLLESSE  POUVAIT  !  ' 


Scene:  A  Room  in  the  War  Office. 
Time:  The  Present. 

Eminent  Scientist  {explainmg  chemical Jormula):  "One  ounce  of  this 
powder,  dropped  from  an  aeroplane,  would  destroy  all  human  and 
other  animal  life  throughout  an  area  of  500  square  miles.'' 

Eminent  Soldier  (Sudan  Campaign.  Medal  with  clasps.  Despatches 
twice):  "Would  it  though?  Good  gracious  me,  you  don't  say  so ! 
Marvellous  !  .  .  .  Have  the  other  Powers  got  anything  of  the  sort, 
d'ye  think  ?  " 

Eminent  Scientist  :  "  Nothing  quite  so  good  at  present,  I  think.  But 
of  course  " 

Eminent  Soldier  :  "  Well,  it's  perfectly  marvellous.  But— gad  !— how 
it  makes  one  wish  one  was  a  youngster  and  sine  of  being  in  the 
Next  Great  War  !  " 


Independent  Liberalism's  desire  for  some  means 
whereby  it  and  labour  shall  not  clash  in 
electoral  contests. 

Labour  :  "Well,  I  won't  say  it  mightn't  be  for  what  you've  called  the 
national  good.  But  you  see,  Guvnor,  the  goods  are  what  I'm.  out 
for." 


A  More  Fortunate  Churchill. 


Shade  of  Lord  Randolph:  "Seems  to  be  simply  nothing  tliey  won't 
forg-ive  him  !    And  hang  it  all  I — they  liked  ME  !  " 


1 


The  Mercilessness  of  Youth. 

Post-Impressionist  :  "  No  man  with  any  real  talent  could  have  behaved 

like  that." 


Mr.  Stephen  Gwynn.  {1914.) 


1 


The  King  of  Spain.  [1914^ 


p 


Psychic  Matters. 

Sir  Oliv  er  Lodge  :  "  Strange,  that  a  man  who  looks  so  very 
credulous  " 

Sir  E.  Ray  Lankester  :  "Odd  that  with  such  a  brow  " 


\ 


Lord  Spencer,  (/p/^.) 


1 


Mr.  Ralph  Nevill  pointing  out  to  members  of  the 
Young  Men's  Christian  Association  the  temptations 
TO  which  they  are  no  longer  exposed. 


A  Gentleman  Usher.    (Mr.  Lionel  Cust.)  {1914.) 


«' 


I 


Life-Force,  Wo  man -Set-Free,  Superman,  etc.  {igi4-) 

Georg  Brandes  ('Chand  d'ld^es)  :  "  What'll  you  take  for  the  lot  ?  " 
George  Bernard  Shaw  :  "  Immortality." 

Georg  Brandes:  "Come,  I've  handled  these  goods  before!  Coat, 
Mr.  Schopenhauer's  ;  waistcoat,  Mr.  Ibsen's  ;  Mr.  Nietzsche's 
trousers  " 

George  Bernard  Shaw  :  "Ah,  but  look  at  the  patches  !  " 


Mr,  Filson  Young,  (^g^s-) 


The  Member  for  Gravesend.  [1914.) 


Mr.  W.  W.  Jacobs:  "It's  no  sort  of  use  talking-  to  them  about  the 
Unity  and  Integrity  of  the  Empire.  All  they  want  is  that  you 
should  sit  down  on  your  hat  and  stand  rum  all  round." 


The  Old  Pilgrim  Comes  Home. 

A  drawing  of  Henry  James,  done  in  1913. 


4 


Manners.  (/9/j.) 

Mr.  Bonar  Law  (indicating  Mr.  Robey) :  "  Now  he  really  is  vulgar." 

Mr.  Asquith  ;  "I  conceive,  Sir,  that  he  could  plead  justificatory 
tradition." 


Mr.  Sidney  Webb  on  kis  birthday. 


1 


President  Wilson  addressing  Congress  {igrj.) 


'A  PARTY  IN  A  PARLOUR,  ALL  SILENT  AND  ALL  DAMNED" 
AND,  AS  USUAL,  Mr.  JoSEPH  CONRAD  INTRUDING. 


